And then there were TWO

I was completely nervous to make the transition to two kids. It has been surprisingly easier than I thought! From delivery, to my recovery (aside from the hemorrhage) to my mood round 2 has been great. Ellie has done fantastic too. She has her moments of whining, screaming and fit throwing but all in all she's handled sharing mom and dad with a new sister very well. She loves her sister and is really cute with her. At first she wasn't sure how she felt about her. But now she'll ask to "hold baby sister".  One day I left Raegan lying on the couch and ran upstairs to get something. I heard her crying so I ran...yes ran since I have a mischievous toddler...and found Ellie laying next to Raegan. She was a little too close for comfort, almost laying on her and saying "snuggling, snuggling". As alarming as it was to see Ellie nearly smothering her it was totally cute that she wanted to be sooooo snuggly with her sister. If only she could comprehend SOFT and GENTLE! 

I opted for an elective induction since Ellie weighed 8 lbs 7 oz and didn't think my body could handle another 8 lb + baby.  May 30th became the day! It was a little strange to know the exact day I'd have a baby. The hospital had given us a tentative time of 11:00 in the morning but said they'd call us in the morning to let us know what time to be there. Jason and I were really surprised to get a call around 6:30 in the morning telling us to be there by 8.  Just before we were getting ready to go to the hospital they called.  They had a rush of patients come in and got busy so pushed my induction back. We hung out at home for a while. That extra time was nice. I was able to get most of the things done I wanted to...yep I even cleaned the toilets while waiting.  NESTING!  

We got to the hospital about 10:45 a.m. Our experience had a very different feel from Ellie's delivery. Even though I was pretty much induced with Ellie (Dr Brown "accidentally" broke my water in her office and sent my down stairs to L&D) this time felt so formal.  We sat at a desk in registration where we checked in and filled out paper work. It really felt like a formal appointment and in a way I guess it was. After checking in and filling out paper work we finally met Candie...our labor nurse. She was FANTASTIC! I felt very comfortable and confident in her. I was nervous about my labor. With Ellie I dilated early and fast. By 39 weeks I was 3cm and 90% effaced. With Raegan I was only 2cm and 70%. I worried that my body wasn't ready to go into labor and by having an induction and "forcing" labor it would be a harder process. 

Last hours of being pregnant...bye bye belly, hello baby!

I started laboring at 2 cm 70% effaced with a high posterior cervix. High is not good. That gave me one more reason to worry it was going to be a difficult labor. Pitocin was started at 4ml/hr at 11:45 then gradually turned up.  At 1:00 Dr Brown came to break my water. I don't remember my exact dilation at that point, only a 3 or 4...I hadn't progressed that much despite pitocin but my cervix had dropped and come forward so that was a good thing. As the pitocin went up I felt some serious contractions! I waited until about 3:00 then asked for an epidural.

All curled up getting my epidural

Feeling much better!

By 3:20 my epidural was in, I was 6 cm and the pitocin was at 16mls/hr.  40 minutes later  Candie came in. She said she wanted to check me before Dr Brown went into a c-section because she "had a feeling."  Her "feeling" was valid. I was COMPLETE and ready to go!! Had I known it was only going to be 40 minutes I would have gone without the epidural! They prepared the room. Dr Brown arrived and I started pushing at 4:20. After 3 rounds of pushing we had a baby at 4:26!  SIX minutes and Raegan was here! I felt the amazing birthing, meeting my new child emotions but it felt a little more surreal because it all happened SO fast. Very different than my hour of pushing with Ellie! 

Raegan Dawn Carlson
May 30th 4:26 p.m. 7 lbs 10 oz. 20 inches long

I felt great! We were enjoying our new little girl, having visitors and introducing Ellie to her sister. As visitors left and the night calmed down we had an unexpected shift in our postpartum experience.  

Ellie meets her sister! At first she was unsure and didn't want anything to do with her. 

  

Ellie holds her sister...good thing a fast camera captured this SHORT moment...it was really only 1.5 seconds and she was DONE!

Things seemed to be going perfectly. My epidural had worn off, I had been up to the bathroom twice, my uterus was contracting down...all the medical "need to's" were happening. Since things were going great my nurse took my IV out and Jason and I were winding down hoping to get some sleep. THEN....I coughed. No big deal right? I had a HORRIBLE cough and congestion type cold for 3 weeks before this. Part of the lovely suppressed immune system during pregnancy...I just couldn't shake this nasty cold.  Well with that cough I felt a gush of blood. (SORRY to all you non medical, little details or queasy stomach people. I'm a nurse with no shame so this is what you get...maybe TMI) I thought nothing of it. You bleed after a delivery. And you bleed A LOT for quite a while. I figured I simply needed to change my pad again. Since I used the term "gush" it got people a little concerned. My postpartum nurse came in to check me. Keep in mind she had just checked me and everything HAD BEEN great. Well as fast as I coughed that changed. I started hemorrhaging! I never thought I would hemorrhage...who does?! In fact as it was happening I didn't think it was as bad as it was. My nurse asked for a scale (to weigh the pad in order to identify how much blood loss was occurring) and called for "back-up." I knew then her attempts at professionally asking for help in calm tones and medical vocabulary without trying to create a sense of panic meant she was a nervous. Despite a charge nurse, 2 CNA's and scale all joining my bedside I still didn't think it was a big deal. I thought I had a little gush and it would stop. When the nurses started talking about medications to stop my bleeding, putting in another IV and paging my Dr I knew things were going south. Can you believe I asked them to not give me a shot of a med and just 'wait' to see if the bleeding stopped?!  To make a long story somewhat shorter, after an hour of two nurses MASHING on my uterus to get the blood and clots out, medication to stop the bleeding and my Dr reaching up to what felt like my LUNGS to sweep clots out of my uterus the hemorrhaging stopped! It was AWFUL and I hope whoever is reading this never has to experience it!

As awful as it was I would never trade it for a million years because I have THIS little lady!

There are no words to describe the emotions of motherhood. It is ups and downs, joys and sorrows, frustration and contentment. With all aspects of mothering there is a learning curve. The most challenging learning curves for me now are managing time to get two kids out of the house and learning to live with chaos. With only Ellie I still had a schedule, routine and organization to our day. With two I've REALLY had to loosen the reins on that! My house isn't as clean as it once was or I'd like it to be but I'm OK with that. I'm trying to focus on my girls and where they are at. Ellie is at such a curious, BUSY, INDEPENDENT stage. I've had to come to grips with letting her be a toddler...which means toys and crumbs all over my floor and getting in the fridge and trying to climb on the counters while I'm feeding Raegan. My Dr called it JOYFUL CHAOS. Good words from Dr Brown!! I'm learning to live with JOYFUL CHAOS because truly some days are CHAOTIC but SOOOOOOOOOOOOO full of JOY at the same time. It is the simple moments of tight hugs, tender big sister kisses, giggles and big smiles that make the tantrums, messes, whining, finger prints, crumbs, two children crying at the same time and lack of sleep worth every second!