THE ULTRA SOUND

IT'S A GIRL!!!! We had our 20 week ultra sound on Thursday and found out the wee one everyone thought was a boy is in fact a cute little girl. We were a bit surprised but we're super excited to welcome this little one into our home. For quite a while we've had a girl name all picked out (one reason we thought we'd have a boy...Murphy's Law) so we already know what we're naming her. Ellie Bryn Carlson is growing right on schedule, everything looks healthy and great and she'll be here the end of July. I was the most emotional I've ever been during pregnancy on Thursday. To not only find out the little life growing inside me is a girl, but to be able to give her a name made everything seem so much more real to me. I now think about ELLIE...her personality, what she'll look like, etc. rather than the baby. Jason and I may be in for it. During our ultra sound little Ellie was wiggling all over the place! When the sonographer was trying to look at one of her arms she was chasing her around...from one side of my abdomen to the other! She said to us, "you guys are in for it!" I've felt a few things here and there, but to see how much she wiggles surprises me that I don't feel more. My placenta is still anterior so there is an extra layer for Ellie to push through. I'm sure it won't be too much longer before I feel all those kicks, stretches, pushes, etc.

My belly has grow quite a bit these last few weeks. I definitely look pregnant now, rather than chubby. Little Ellie is almost 10 inches long and weighs about 9 ounces. I still feel great. Every now and again my back hurts or my feet hurt (after working all day) but other than that I have felt so good. I am SOOOOO lucky! HALF WAY THERE!!!

On a completely different note...there is something about being pregnant that has really made me think about life; the challenges we go through, things we have to overcome, the good things and the bad things. Sometimes I get so scared about what life has in store for us. And even more sobering is to think about being a parent and HOW I'm going to teach our children all they need to know. There is so much about life that is "unfair". Lately I've felt like not being able to live the kind of life one wants is one of the hardest things. There is a patient at the hospital who I really admire. He is in his early 20's battling leukemia. I think about his situation...he should be in school, he should be working and learning to prepare for his future. Yet his life has been put 'on hold'. He just got engaged...yet they don't know when they'll get married because he is scheduled to have a bone marrow transplant the end of this month. With that transplant there is so much uncertainty. Will it work? Will he survive? How long will he be in the hospital? Will he live with a long list of side effect? Will he and his fiance be able to choose a day to get married. Will they be able to have kids? Most of the patients we treat are not given time to have eggs or sperm banked before starting therapy. This thought alone makes me admire my patients fiance so much. With so many questions about therapy, transplant, having children....leading a "normal" life, I know she must love him so much and have an amazing amount of courage. One could easily assume that she has put her life 'on hold' as well. But maybe the lesson they teach me is that life doesn't have to be put 'on hold'. I think they have a greater perspective than I do. I think they know that just because life doesn't turn out the way you planned or the way you want...it doesn't mean you can't make the most out of it. They are thriving in the situation they've found themselves in, and that is most impressive to me. I hope I can be that kind of person and teach my kids that attitude and perspective.