Reflections on becoming a parent

Jason's grandma died several weeks ago. While we were walking to the grave side a head stone caught my eye. It was of a little boy who was only about 1 when he died. I thought to myself how hard that must be to have a child die, but kept on walking and didn't give much more thought to it. After the grave side services we were heading back toward the car. I noticed a mom at the same headstone I saw on our way in. I watched her very closely and I was touched by her actions. She was very lovingly and very meticulously cleaning and polishing her child's headstone...down to every letter and crevice. There was such a reverence about her. It made me feel as if we were intruding on a very private and special moment. My description can't do justice for what I observed. It brought me to tears watching her. I could see the love she had for her child in her actions and I wanted to grieve with her for her loss. Being pregnant and being a nurse I always find myself thinking about scenarios that could happen and wonder how I would handle them. From a still birth to having a child with cancer I've thought about all the curve balls life could throw at me...and it scares me to think of what could happen. A couple weeks ago in church one of our ward members shared something that touched me and I've been thinking about ever since. He described reading a talk from Elder Oaks that mentioned a story about a family who had experienced the death of a child. At the funeral the father stated that his testimony of the gospel of Jesus Christ wasn't based on outcomes. I was very touched by that, especially in light of him loosing a child. I don't know what the future holds for Jason and me as we begin our journey through parenthood, but I hope that I can be like that father, firm in my beliefs and full of faith despite difficult circumstances.